Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
