Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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