He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
