I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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