I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
