Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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