Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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