I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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