THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
3 2 1 whiskey
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
