drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
