I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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