So drunk its hurt
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
