i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
