so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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