i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
