i was born a porn star she said
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
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