ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
