I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
