Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
