Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
