I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
