This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
