u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
