but the lizard people decide everything anyway
birth control should be required to get into college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize