Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
