I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
