We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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