Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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