why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
