You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize