My first STD was from a foam party
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
