are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize