OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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