i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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