she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
