I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
