i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Farmville is her only friend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
