wakey wakey hands off snakey
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize