My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
