One girl and one boy is just not enough.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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