Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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