You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
