You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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