Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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