Yo dont text me then not text me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
