Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
