We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He has the fingertips of a God
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