Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize