there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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