My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
