I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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