he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
