yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
