the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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