chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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