I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize