What a fucking waste of an outfit
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
