why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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