I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
