he told me I talked like a deaf person
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
