life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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