I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
