So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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