i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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