When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
