In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
