I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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