It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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