you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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