I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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