I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
