Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
