he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
