were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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