Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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