I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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