is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
