Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
