I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize