"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sober January is a disaster.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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