The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
