don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
