Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
