96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize