Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
