ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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